Relationship Breakdown

Fueling Feelings of Failurerelationship breakdown

The most complex aspect of our life as humans is our relationships. Over the years we build hundreds of relationships. From all of these connections there has to be at least a small percentage of breakups. Sometimes these are romantic in nature, or friends who become foe, or even families who form a rift.

Relationship breakdowns create feelings of failure, inadequacy, betrayal, blame and of course heart-break. Unfortunately, these feelings often stay with you longer than any others. Each relationship breakdown adds fuel to the fire and it can eat away at you unless you learn to accept, let go and no longer see it as a failure.

You Can Choose to Blame or Accept

It’s so easy to look at the cause of a breakdown and place blame on the other party or sometimes yourself, but that won’t help your next relationship, nor the next. However, you can learn and even be thankful for lessons learned, rather than continuing to place blame. Accepting and releasing is the best path to improving your future relationships.

Try out one of the two scenarios below the next time cracks form in a relationship, or to improve the outcome of a current relationship breakdown.

Scenario 1: You’ve broken up and you want to move on.

  • Look at the facts at why the break up happened
  • Accept that you are two different people wanting different things, this is not a failure
  • Decide if there is some improvement that you want to make in your own behaviour – note: you can’t change somebody else

Scenario 2: You’ve broken up, but you want to mend the rift.

  • Make sure that you are not returning out of habit, but because there is something really worth salvaging
  • Arrange a meeting at a neutral place where an argument is unlikely
  • Go to the meeting ready to bare all, including what you do not want in your future relationships and why. Share how these aspects make you feel
  • State the changes or compromises you are willing to make and why
  • Give the other person some time to digest what you have said and let them contact you when they are ready. Don’t put pressure on them there and then. Remember you came to the meeting with a plan they may not have
  • Keep the mind-set that if they do not want to make a mends that is okay too. When you know you’ve laid all your cards on the table you can then move on without feeling you have loose ends dangling. Let them worry about their own loose ends.

May all your relationships be journeys of discovery and not extra baggage to carry in the future. Good luck.


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